“Here’s the thing. Once you swallow your pride; let go of the attitude; stop over-thinking things; the possibilities are endless… the headaches stop.”

I read that in a friend’s journal today. I love that statement – because it is so true.

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I need to expand on the whole taxes thing from yesterday – not because I owe anyone an explanation or because I have to change anyone’s opinions – because I want to.

Last year, through this whole personal/marriage mess we also had a huge mess with our taxes. I had to remind, and remind, and remind, and hound, and pester, and remind again that I needed my ex’s business expense information. I had everything done and computed with our taxes by the first week of February.

We didn’t file until May.

Because he procrastinated, and the day the taxes were due, we got into a fight over it (because they still weren’t done), I called him an asshole and he ended up walking out on me that night.

Since we filed late, there was a late payment penalty (since we owed). My ex assured me that he would take care of getting it paid off. In August, I think, I got a collection letter from the IRS stating that if the balance remaining was not paid off in 10 days, that we would be sent to a collection agency. Even though I paid my part and he promised me that he would take care of the rest. Apparently that wasn’t the case. He did end up paying it off before the deadline, but that made me so furious, I cannot even replicate nor explain it.

Fast forward to this year. Filing jointly will save us some money. However, there’s quite a substantial tax bill that needs to be paid, and it’s approximately 75% his burden. I have been saving up money and planning on paying my full amount off when the taxes are filed. He told me that he can’t and would need to look at a payment plan.

With the way things went last year, I am so not comfortable with that. Not even slightly. I tried to talk to him yesterday about it and when that didn’t happen, I came to the decision that even though it’s going to cost me more, I would rather not deal with the hassle again. Ever again.

I’m not sure if he understands, but I know he reads this, so I suppose he will after this. It’s not a question of malice or “hey buddy, I want you to suffer!” – I’m thinking of myself and how I don’t want to put myself in a situation where I have to remind and remind and remind and remind and be so fucking worried that it won’t get paid and remind some more. I don’t need, nor want, the aggrivation, the stress and everything else that goes along with it.

Honestly, filing jointly is doing him a much bigger favor than it is for me. However, the person that comes first now is me – and not him. If that comes across being selfish or being an asshole – well then I am. I don’t have to think of anyone else BUT myself. I’ve lived my life too long worrying about other people’s feelings and giving in to make things easier for other people. When does it come back to me? Where do my needs fit into all this? Rarely, if at all.

It’s not set in stone yet, because there’s more to figure out – but I am adamant about this.